Whose Pulling Whose Leg?
by argenteh
Summary: The Golden Trio on a simple trip to find Hermione's library books, what could go wrong? Courage and endurances are tested and as Ron learns some things can't be unseen.   An extended version of 'The Chamber of Food Snatcher'.
1. Sneaky Snakey's Office

**Hey! This is an extended scene from the 'Chamber of Food Snatcher' story that didn't make the cut. Hopefully you'll pick up on this, but the line breaks often indicate a POV change, see if you can guess who it is!**

**Hope you enjoy it! **

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><p>I stormed into the Great Hall literarily causing the ceiling above to cloud over in angry purple. I can't believe them! Drips of dirty water and mud poured from my robes<p>

leaving a slippery trail behind. I made a beeline for the Gryffindor table which was already tucking into lunch. Ron looked up to Ginny, cramming more chips and beef

onto his overloaded plate. I mentally prepared my opening rant to Ron and Hermione, life was so unfair why Dumbledore would agree- ! –My mud covered foot slipped

across the polished floors carrying me sliding forewords. 'AHH!' I screamed in warning and a first year barely scrambled aside inches from being knocked flat. My other

leg shot out to gain back control before I – **WHAM**! I smacked into a pile of gangly limbs and red hair.

'BLOODY HELL!' Ron just managed to bellow as he toppled over the bench backwards. We both thudded sickeningly into the floor. The whole school stopped. OW!

Ron's elbow jabbed into my ribs as he scrambled to his feet brushing mud off himself his entire face red.

'Harry what-?' He began to stutter, but was drowned out by waves of hysterical laughter. I glared up from my place on the floor noticing that most of the uproar was

led by the Slytherin table, pacifically Malfoy and his gang. I half heard Professor McGonagall's attempts to settle everyone as I crawled painfully to the Gryffindor bench

and took a seat next to Ron who was still a little pink.

Even Ginny's face was glowing though she had no part in our mass embarrassment! It was like Mrs Weasley's Howler all over again! I flinched a little at the memories I

desperately wanted to repress and I vowed to never have her rage fully targeted on me. I desperately hoped that I was still be welcome back at the Burrow after the

stunt Ron and I pulled with the car. We were lucky enough not to be expelled despite Snape pushing so hard for that outcome. I looked up at the staff table to catch

eyes with my 4th Mortal enemy. He twisted his thin lips into a smirk that almost made me shake with rage. Dean and Seamus shot me a sympathetic look between

chuckles as I grabbed a bread roll and bit down angrily.

Suddenly I remembered my news and turned to face Ron and Ginny.

'You'll never guess what happened to me at Quiditch practice!' But to my surprise BOTH of them tuned me out to busy shooting daggered glares at each other. Huh?

My eyes darted between them puzzling over what I had missed. Suddenly Ginny let out a tremendous snort and doubled over flat on the table bursting with shouts of laughter.

'It's not funny!' Ron growled at his giggling sister. Then it hit me and my eyes widened in realization. Ginny's face must have been beat red from holding in-

'HAHAHAHA!' She crowed half trying to cover her mouth and clutch her side.

'You wouldn't like it if it happened to you!'

'Guys, guess what!' I interrupted trying to prevent the Great Hall from turning into a wrestling stadium. Their moment seemed to pass and each of them turned back to

their lunches leaving me hanging out in the silence_ Maybe they just want me to tell them what happened, because they can't guess, because it's too tricky!_ I began to

cave in 'Professor Dumbledore in his wisdom-'. _No Harry, _I told myself, _I mustn't give in. _'Ron?' He picked at his food. I turned my attentions to Ginny to see her

scrambling around in her bag through papers and notes. Fine! I definitely wouldn't be telling them anything! Serves them right. '_PROFFESSOR DUMBLEDOOR CHANGED_

_THE RULES TO ALLOW TEACHERS TO PLAY TOO! I HAVE TO TEACH HAGRID TO MOUNT A BROOM BY TOMORROW!" _I exploded, unable to hold it in any longer. Ron sat

absent mindedly pushed beans across his plate, while Ginny was still searching for something in her bag. Are they ignoring _ME_? Just as things were about to get ugly

(for the two red heads that is) Hermione breathlessly wedged herself between us a look of panic painted on her face.

Her back clunked on the floor. 'You've got to help me!' She cried desperately, 'My library books are missing and they're due back in ONE WEEK!' She glanced around at

the three of us ignoring the snickers from the other students around the table. With her frenzied eyes and the way her hair fizzed out statically, I thought she was

about to have some kind of malfunction I half expected smoke to start pouring from her ears. I edged myself away. 'Please, help me look for them!'

'Of course _I_ will.' Both Ron and Ginny replied at the same time.

'Thank you so much! It's just with all my extra assignments…I'll make it up to you somehow.' She then quickly turned made her way to the great doors of the Hall. I

stared after her, a look of confusion on my face. _One week?_ _She has A WHOLE WEEK to find her books and she's already panicking? Merlin!_ I felt a tense crackling in the air

and turned to see the youngest Weasley siblings at it again. _Honestly! _Wait. Did I just-? Too much of Hermione was rubbing off on me. The hate waves increased

tenfold and I abruptly jumped from the table muttering an excuse that no one heard except maybe Nevil and Trevor and started after the bookworm. It was safer then

sticking around waiting for my head to blow off in the coming crossfire! Besides, I bet she would appreciate my story.

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><p>"I'm flattered that she came all the way here just to ask me to find her books really," Ron began over casually, I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, "but you know I've got a lot on. Places to go, people to meet-"<p>

"She _was _talking to _me_ you know, she wasn't asking _you_ to help." I explained to him in a slow voice, just to be sure he understood, but then he gave me a look which seemed to think otherwise.

"Not true!" he corrected me matter-of-factly, "She was asking ME!" He crunched down on a juicy bean.

"Nuh-ahh!'' I yelled mentally raging at Ron for making me stoop to his level.

"yuh-ahh!" he threw back raising his fork. I knew I was out of my element and quickly changed tactics.

"Ok then," I said coolly, a lot of the older students were paying us rapt attention after all, "let's have a bet. Whoever Hermione was actually talking to can win…" I

checked my inside pocket just to be sure I hadn't lost them, 'can win two sickles!' He gaped. There I knew I had him! That'll make him back off, he doesn't even own _one_ sickle!

"Ok, deal!" he replied to my great surprise, sticking out his crumb covered hand. I felt my eyebrows rise above my hairline. _Wow, maybe he's been saving up? _I thought, reluctantly putting forward my hand. I sincerely hoped I hadn't just been out maneuvered by _Ron_.

"Deal." I said. But pacific's aside this was going to be an easy win. I was sure of it…I think.

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><p>I searched franticly through my belongings, I began to feel a twinge of guilt once I was alone in the dormitory, asking Ron, Ginny and -'HARRY!' I shrieked. He was<p>

suddenly inches away from my face. His glasses, the lenses splattered in mud, were sliding down his nose. In fact it wasn't _just_ his glasses; Harry was _covered_ in mud

and looked a little out of breath. My eyebrows twitched in surprise.

"Hey Hermione! Guess what happened at Quiditch practice today! I have to teach Hag-'

"-That's great Harry." I said with fake enthusiasm, he didn't seem to get the message that I don't really care though and continued to blabber on. _Boys_!

"Ah.. Harry," I stopped him, about three minutes later, "you do know only girls can go in here without the staircase collapsing…" I trailed off uncomfortably. He stared, uncomprehending.

Ginny rushed, jumping up the last step to join Hermione in the Girl's Dormitory breaking the awkward one-sided tension. A large crack, then a screech echoed behind her.

"Aaahhhh!" Ron's magnified cries, filled the room fading into the distance. **Bang**!

"Ron…?" My voice cracked uncertainly.

"I'm okay…"

I stared outside the door to the flattened steps not quite processing what had just happened. Had Ron just..?

"So anyway, Hagrid-" Harry continued untroubled, swinging his legs on Lavender's pink bed spread.

"Hey, any luck with finding your books yet?" Ginny asked, interrupting him, he shot her a look of annoyance.

"No, I can't find them at all," I said, glad to change the subject. A strange squelching sound came drifting from the stairs below us. Ron's panting face poked around the corner.

"Hah! Suction boots! I told Mum these would come in handy, wasting my money, pah!"

"I've looked just about everywhere I can think of, pretty much the only place I haven't searched is…" my voice trailed off.

"What is it Hermione? Did you remember where you left the books?" asked Ron, before Ginny could say anything. He shot her a victorious smirk.

"Yeah," I said miserably, "I've got this terrible feeling that I left them in Professor Snape's office."

Everyone gasped in shock. Ron and Harry looked like fish freshly scooped out of water.

"What were you doing in there?" cried Harry a look of suspicion starting crawling across his face. He rolled off the freshly made bed and stood up.

I swallowed, here goes nothing. "He wanted to see me, he said I was failing potions badly and he told me to advise anyone in Gryffindor to quit his class." I bowed my head miserably, already hearing Harry's accusations.

"Gee, sounds like a pretty good idea!" yelled Ron excitedly tearing off his suction boots on the floor.

"Oh, please guys, this is really important," I reminded them, "this is a massive favor, but if you can pull it off… I'll give you all my notes for History of Magic for the one who get's my books back," that seemed to draw them in.

"Yeah, so what's the favor?" questioned Harry leaning forward, his face lighting up at the offer.

"I need you to sneak into Snape's office and get my books back." I said quickly, before they asked any more questions.

"How about Transfiguration notes-"

"Don't push it Ron." I replied, before things got out of hand.

"Alright!" they all agreed, looks of competitiveness starting to show on their faces.

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><p>"I'm telling you we should be team Victor Krum." I argued as Harry and I emerged from the boy's dormitory dressed entirely in black, shoving beanies on. Amazing what one can find in the lost and found laundry pile.<p>

"Your face paints smudged a little here let me just…" He raised his hand to my face fixing the imperfection.

"How many times do I have to tell you Harry? It's WAR PAINT!' Why couldn't he understand this! 'Face paint is for clowns. We are spies. We're sneaking into Professor Snape's office tonight and we're gonna win free notes and TWO SICKLES!" His look was questioning. Right he didn't know about the bet. "Oh forget it."

"Um, Ron," he continued 'don't you think we're gonna look a bit conspicuous sneaking around Hogwarts dressed like this?"

"Of course not! Harry, you need to stop worrying! Here, let's test our disguise. You'll see nobody can even recognize us!" just then Neville emerged from the dormitory, looking down on his luck.

"Hi Ron, hi Harry." he sighed dejectedly as he shuffled past us, barley raising his head. Harry crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow questioningly at me.

"We need more face pa- war paint!" I declared. I whizzed around on one foot but stopped suddenly nearly causing me to overbalance; Ginny was right behind us set to go as well.

"Ginny!" I cried stumbling a little, "You can't go; you know firsties aren't allowed to leave the dormitories _after_ 8 o'clock at night!"

'But it's 8 o'clock now," she disagreed, brushing down her black as night sweater, "that means I have one minute to leave."

"No, that's not right because it's EIGHT O' ONE!" he spat back. Harry glared at both of them in annoyance, couldn't they ever let up? However the red head seemed to take his narrowed eyes as a different message.

Harry looked approvingly at me. _Yeah, yeah, don't bother thanking me_. I knew that he could never have gotten rid of my stupid kid sister. My well trained skills were the only thing that could stop her. I grabbed his arm and tugged him towards our target location.

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><p>"Golden snitch, do you read!" I tested, pressing my wand to my throat. We were both hiding outside the slimy walls of 'The Target's' Office.<p>

"Ron! You know I hate that code name,' Harry suddenly spoke up from behind a corner, 'can't it be something cool, like... Lightning strike…" he said pointing meaningfully at his scar. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes in frustration.

"No Harry! People would pick up on that right away, the whole point is that they don't know who you are." I tiredly explained, we'd been over this! H_e just doesn't get it sometimes_. I thought for a second. "Fine then, if you really want a new code name, we'll change it to… SCAB HEAD! Ahh, yes! It's perfect, they'll never guess it's really you."

"OH! No, no, no, no, NO! Ron that's a stupid code name!" The midget in glasses yelled waving clenched hands in from t of my face. I stepped back.

"Harry, if you could decide on everything, we'd fly around in the clouds and slide down rainbows!" I exclaimed poking a finger to his chest, "But that's beside the point! Now! Back to business!" He mumbled something to the floor and scuffed his worn sneakers.

"Wait, what's your code name?"

I took a deep breath and adjusted my beanie. "My code name," I paused for the dramatic effect, "is… The VICTORNATOR!"

He looked at me exasperated, then shook his head sadly and walked off.

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><p>"Scab head, Scab head, this is Victornator reporting from outside Sneaky Snakey's lair."<p>

I turned my head so we were face to face. "Ron I'm right next to you."

"Use the wand." He commanded, stubbornly sticking out his lip.

_If he wanted it that way, then fine._

"Red weasel, currently out side-"

My wand buzzed. "ITS VICTONATOR IDIOT! DO YOU REALLY WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW WHO WE ARE!"

"Ron can we just ditch the stupid code names.' I rubbed my head tiredly, not even Voldemort could cause me such a migraine, 'I'm pretty sure everyone within a hundred feet already knows who we are anyway." Silence…

… "Ron..?"

"Talk into your wand" A low buzz came from inside my cloak. Suddenly the sound of heavy footsteps echoed from inside Snape's office. Ron gasped and latched onto my arm like a python.

"SNEAKY SNAKEY IS COMING, HIDE, QUICK!" he yelled, scrambling behind the giant statue of a warthog with Medusa snake hair. Moments after, Professor Snape came stalking into the hall, his lips pursed and his cloak flapping around his ankles. Behind me Ron crouched forward, quivering with excitement. I shoved him back with my elbow. Did he want to get us caught? He stifled a giggle and a loud snort escaped from his mouth. Snape froze. His head whipped around in our direction

"Who's there!'' he hissed. Ron was now shaking hysterically, I was certain he was having a fit. I wondered if he'd have to be sedated. Snape paused a moment longer, before turning on his heel and continuing down the hall. When he was out of range Ron, unable to hold his hysterics in any longer burst into laughter, rolling around on the floor, tears streaming down his face.

"What the hell Ron!" I yelled at him. _I thought this was meant to be under cover?_

"It's just so COOL! Being sneaky, I love it! I could do this all day, I've never been an undercover agent in my life!"

"Humph!" I sighed, "Come on." and I dragged his quivering body behind me into Snape's office.

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><p><em>Wow! Look at all this cool stuff, It's like a totally different world in here. <em>I thought as we wandered through Snape's lair. _This must be pretty valuable, hey! I could sell this stuff on wi-bay! (wizard e-bay)_

"Hey, Harry! I've got an idea! Let's sell this-" The messy haired boy snapped around and grabbed my shoulder. "Ron, stay focused! We're only here to get Hermione's books and then leave."

_Merlin, he's sooo boring! _I scanned the room and my eye's fell upon Old Snakey's desk. It was stacked with piles of paper. As I looked closer I noticed my first week assignment sitting on top of one of the piles. I studied each pile carefully and discovered they were arranged in houses.

"Hey, look Harry, wanna see what grade you got in potions?" I asked him coolly flipping through them like a pro.

"What?" Harry muttered, leaning over my shoulder. He began shuffling through the Gryffindor pile a troubled expression gathering on his face.

"So, what'd you get?" I asked, trying to be casual._ I'll beat him this time! Any day now._

"Um," he began in a disturbed tone, "Everyone in Gryffindor failed, even Hermione." my face fell. _Oh well, next time. _Harry moved away and began flicking through the Slytherin pile to see what his 1st mortal enemy was getting. He dropped the whole stack suddenly.

"Hey, these guys all got outstanding! And a smiley face sticker!" he cried in despair.

"HEY! These reports are rigged!" I yelled in frustration, "Teachers shouldn't be allowed to do that!" I suddenly felt very angry and flung my wand across the room. That was the worst mistake I ever made

* * *

><p>I could see Ron was getting seriously frustrated with this whole rigged reports thing. I turned to suggest we keep searching for the books when he suddenly turned and threw his wand in my direction.<p>

"What the-" I managed to exclaim as I expertly swerved under the flying object, Matrix style, I'd managed to perfect this move as, you can only guess I was used this kind of abuse from Dudley. **CRASH**!

"What was that for!" I shouted at Ron, who ignored me as I stood upright once more.

"Hey-" my voice trailed off as a bubbling sound filled my ears. Slowly I turned around. Ron's display of anger had managed to sweep clean the whole of Professor Snape's potions shelf. A steaming substance was now a massive puddle on the stone floor.

"Ron! How'd you manage to do that! It'll take ages to clean up, how are we gonna replace all those potions?" I yelled at him. This day just kept getting better and BETTER!

"I don't know! My wand was nowhere near it, then it just like, froze and turned in mid air and then it just swiped the shelf. ALL OF IT!"

"Well," I groaned hopelessly, "we'll have to come up with some kind of plan, what do you suggest Einstein?" All he did was stare at the puddle, uncomprehending.

"Fine, I'll think of something myself, if your brain's not capable."I hissed under my breath. I began passing racking my brains for a solution.

_Ok… just calm down and think. We need to replace everything. Hmmmm, well we could use repairo the broken bottles to hold the stuff and for the potions…Yes, food dye. We could go to the kitchens and-_

"Harry!" Ron's voice was a high pitched whisper; he grabbed my sleeve and pulled me around to face the scene of destruction.

"Look…" he squealed.

"Oh, my-"I began, my voice nearly matching Ron's. The multicolored, flashing puddle of potions twisted hypnotically tracing spirals on the floor. I was hit by a terrible smell that knocked me senseless, a bit like Neville's 'gas' in herbology. For a moment, all I could do was stand there blinking at the bubbled and sparks it was letting off.

Perhaps it was the dimly lit room, but it seemed that the puddle of liquid was growing in size, like Ron at the Christmas feast. I quivered itching to bolt.

"Get out of here!" I screeched. This stuff couldn't be good. The collection of deadly poisonous substances increased its momentum. Sizzling and hissing as the gases reacted with anything it touched. Snape's floor mat was eaten up in seconds! "RON MOVE!"

We both skirted around the conglomeration, Ron- behind me- having to jump up on the furniture to stop it nipping his heels. It was unstoppable. What had we done?

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><p><strong>CHRISTMAS EVE! <strong>

**Hope you enjoyed it, please tell us what you think and any errors you picked up! **

**PLEASE REVIEW**

**xx**

**argenteh**


	2. Marvelous!

**Hey! Hope everyone is having a great X-Mas holiday/break. XD**

**Please tell me if you're having difficulty with the POV changes, I could try to make it easier for you.**

**Happy readings!**

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><p>The dungeons corridor seemed creepier, without other students bustling to get to class. <em>…That and the fact it's night…<em>Slime clinging to the walls let of a greenish glow

adding to the illusion. I had been furious at my stupid brother the whole way down here as I craft fully slipped pasted Peeves and Mrs. Norris, but now my anger had

died and I wished he were here with me. Okay. Maybe not Ron, but Harry or Hermione at least…

**CRASH**! I jolted out of my thoughts almost screaming. A shattering sound of glass echoed from behind Snape's door. _Peeves? I'd passed him on the third floor… Could he_

_get here that fast?_ I prayed a teacher wouldn't come, surely everyone heard it. Sweat formed on my palms. I was going to be expelled!_ Wait. Calm down…Ron. Ron and_

_Harry were in Snape's Office…How could I be such a fool?_ The thoughts of our bet snapped back to my head_. I can't let him get those books before me._

I ran the rest of the way down the corridor, no longer worrying about being quiet, Whatever was happening inside Snape's office had been loud enough to wake up

half the school at least. I reached the door and turned the handle, trying to force it open, but it wouldn't budge, it was definitely not locked, the handle jerked, it was

as if someone was pushing on the door from the other side, could that someone be Harry, or Ron, trying to get out…

I knew I should have stopped pushing on the door and let Harry and Ron get out, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to, I was just dying to see what was on the other side of that door.

* * *

><p>The crazy acid was gaining on us, licking at my heels as I scouted the furniture.<p>

"Hurry Ron!" yelled Harry, hints of desperation in his voice. He was already at the door, watching in horror as the liquid monster, now at least five feet tall, quickly

closed in on us. I reached the door, knocking Harry out of the way I yanked the door open, at least that's what would have happened if the door _had_ opened…

Something was stopping it opening from the other side, we were trapped!

"Quick Ron! Open the door!" yelled Harry desperately.

"It won't work!" I squealed, "We're gonna DIE!" I released my hold on the door to gesture wildly in the air. The moment my hands slackened it burst open, sending me

flying backwards, banging into Harry, the last thing I saw was Ginny flying through the door with incredible force as all three of us were swallowed by the acidic beast.

* * *

><p>Extreme coldness. Intense heat. A spluttering for breath. I'm going to explode!- my hand clutches a limb, though I don't know if it's Ron's or my own- <strong>NEED AIR!<strong> Burning.

- which ways up? I'm going to die. He shoulder grazes across the stone floor. Tingling erupts within me- a foot collides painfully in my ribs- one final lunge… AIR!

I hear myself breathing in greedy gulps, my lungs aren't taking it in fast enough. _GINNY! RON! _Pure panic rose within me. A bright red pot floated slowly to the surface,

the coloring was perfect, like the setting sun_… So pretty…What am I doing? Ginny! Ron! _My eyes scanned the flooded room. A foot! Ron's foot, I'd recognize those overly

large feet anywhere. Dragging clothes slowed me down on my race to get to him._ Please don't be too late._ My hands wrapped around his torso, using all my dwindling

strength to draw him to the surface. "RON!" I yelled in panic, _he's too much, I can't… _His red face breached the surface.

"Harry!" Ginny exclaimed behind me. She waded towards me, her eyes only for her brother.

"How did you-" I began but cut off as Ron sucked in a shaky breath. He pulled away from my support, doing a form of dog paddle. His head whipped back to me, his eyes as wide as galleons.

"Y-your-" His chest pounded with a rattling cough.

"Don't try to talk." I advised concerned and breathless.

"No, no, you're _see_ through, I can see your bones!" he cried, horrified. I looked down slowly, afraid of what I would discover, but my chest was perfectly fine, no bones, no pain.

"Ron, I don't know what you're talking about, my chest…" suddenly there was the sound of many running footsteps pounding down the dungeon corridors.

"We have to get out of here!" cried Ginny from behind us, she lunged forward, managing to grab hold of Ron's wrist. The two of them crackled. What! Then twisted and

turned, abruptly popping into an abnormally large vase. The pot would have been pretty like before, had there not been an exceedingly ugly crop of red hair on top- clearly Ron's.

'Ahh…?' I murmured confused, but stored it away for another time as the dungeon door flew open. I had barely enough time to leap behind sneak-snak- I mean

Snape's desk.

Snape, Hagrid and…Dumbledore? Burst into the room. Snape gasped in horror and turned a deep shade of magenta to rival Uncle Vernon, it really did look like he was

being strangled by some invisible assailant. Hagrid obviously thought this as well and began batting the air in front of him like some kind of flightless turkey. To a non-

magical person it may look like the half-giant was doing some twisted version of the Macarena, his bushy beard shaking around like a bird's nest in a storm. If you

looked at it for long enough, you could almost see baby chicks squawking in indignation..? Dumbledore clapped in joy and joined in, hopping around a garlanding giant

and a spluttering Snape.

'ENOUGH!' The slime-ball squawked at the two bumbling buffoons, then fell to his knees sobbing and writhing on the floor as if in pain…like some kind of delicious

worm; 'M-my p-potions!' I took out my (magic proof) camera phone from my robe and snapped a truly unflattering picture of the man and stored it away later for future blackmail.

Click and save… Haha! Revenge!

Dumbledore ignored all this and popped a lemon drop into his mouth, cool and collected as always. I imagined the lemon drop was a juicy beetle, the kind you feed to

awesome birds...birds? What? I shook my head in an attempt to clear it and continued on watching the proceedings.

'Why! Did you sculpt this yourself Severus?' Dumbledore asked casually, picking up the red vase with the crop of red hair on top which I was sure belonged to Ron.

'What-' began Snape, but Dumbledore cut him off.

'Well it's absolutely marvelous! I should think it's even good enough to be placed in the Hogwarts art gallery!'

'We 'ave an ar' gallery?' asked Hagrid, scratching his head in bewilderment. But I suppose it could have been due to lice.

'Well, not yet, but this marvelous red vase has inspired me to start one!' replied Dumbledore cheerfully. He set off at a brisk walk, heading out the door, leaving Snape

and Hagrid staring after him- Hagrid in admiration, Snape in total shock, had Dumbledore officially cracked…?

I was still hiding behind the desk, trying to decide on a course of action; I was pretty sure the vase was somehow Ginny and Ron, though I had no Idea how this could

be possible, I decided that if it so happened that the vase was the red heads, I'd better find out where Dumbledore was taking them. Keeping low to the ground, I

scurried out the door on my short legs, hoping I hadn't been spotted by Hagrid of Snape.

* * *

><p>I could hear footsteps coming down the passage way to the dungeon.<p>

'We have to get out of here!' I yelled, lunging forward towards Ron. I grabbed his arm and began to turn towards the door when suddenly I felt a surge of heat, then

the smell of clay, and suddenly I felt like my body was being stretched out on a clothes line. I felt my body being twisted and turned, shrinking and flattening out;

though I could still feel my idiot brother somehow. Finally the process ended and I found, much to my surprise that I couldn't see at all, it was as if someone had

blacked out all my senses. Trying to work out what had happened I tried to feel my legs and arms and discovered that I couldn't move either. My whole body felt cold

and hard. All I could do was listen and try to figure out what was going on.

'Ahh…?' I heard someone murmur as the dungeon door flew open.

At least three people burst into the room. Someone- probably Snape- gasped in horror probably at the sight of the ruined office, it must have looked pretty bad, a

strange gurgling sound could be heard, like someone was being strangled or something... The sound of someone heavy shuffling around the room. Someone clapped

in joy and began to join in.

'ENOUGH!' Cried someone in agony- I recognized Snape's voice…'M-my p-potions!' I heard a very quiet click as someone snapped a picture…Harry?

'Why! Did you sculpt this yourself Severus?' I heard Dumbledore ask casually, and felt a lurch as myself and Ron were picked up off the ground. It was like being tipped

upside down. I heard Ron whimper quietly…so apparently we could make noises too.

'What-' began Snape, but Dumbledore cut him off.

'Well it's absolutely marvelous! I should think it's even good enough to be placed in the Hogwarts art gallery!' _what art gallery _I thought.

'We 'ave an ar' gallery?' asked a gruff voice, probably Hagrid, in bewilderment.

'Well, not yet, but this marvelous red vase has inspired me to start one!' replied Dumbledore cheerfully. So that's what I was… a red vase… How did that happen? The

sound of light footsteps and suddenly we were moving…a lot, rocking side to side in a most uncomfortable way, I felt like I was going to be sick, though I didn't think

vases could throw up…

_Oh no! I'm gonna blow! _I heard Ron think…Wait a minute… I could hear Ron…thinking? I didn't know it was possible… Ron could think?

_Hey! You mean-uh oh…Bleeeeeuuurrrr!_

**GROSS**! I felt the inside of the vase fill with a sickly warmth… Was that CHUNKS and _BEANS_! Just the thought of this made my stomach churn…Uh oh…

* * *

><p>The dungeon walls seemed so tall at night, and much longer too. I felt like my legs were barely covering any ground as I scurried along as fast as I could. About 300<p>

steps later, I couldn't help noticing I'd only travelled about two meters…_My mind must be playing tricks on me_ I thought _probably part of the aftershock from what had_

_ happened in Snape's office…which was entirely RON's fault._ Up ahead of me, Dumbledore suddenly stopped and sniffed inside the red vase… What was going on?

'Poohweee!' he exclaimed after a minute of intense sniffing, he shook his head and opened his mouth to say something, but the words died on his lips as an enormous

torrent of spew erupted from the vase, splattering wettly off the walls and ceiling. Dumbledore only _just_ managed to bring a shield up in time! A distgusting stench

asulted my nostrils and I doubted I'll ever be able to see the dungeons the same. After two intense minutes the torrent coming out of the vase finally ended. I had

closed his eyes throughout the ordeal in an attempt to minimize the unavoidable trauma I will surely face for the rest of my poor life. I peeked through one eye and

much to my amazement, found that I was clinging to a candle branch, upside down. Further investigation revealed that the ground appeared to be on the ceiling and

the ceiling was on the ground, where I was, though it could be that I was up on the ceiling and the ground was still, well, on the ground… Just then, I was suddenly

hit with the full force of the catastrophe and all I had just experienced. I felt I WHOOSH! as my feet unclenched and dropped to the floor, and unfortunately landing on my head. I squawked in fright and in return, received a mouth full of sickly puke.

I fainted, purely out of disgust…

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><p><strong>Part 2 is up! Tell us what ya think! Somehow wroting Hagrid was so satisfying.<strong>

**PLEASE REVIEW**

**xx**

**argenteh**


	3. The Prank King?

**Don't own Harry Potter.**

**Please enjoy!**

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><p>I paced up and down the dormitory, feeling slightly sick. They'd been gone such a long time now; everything seemed to be going to plan, but what if they got injured or something!…Or they didn't find my books! The consequence was to horrible to think about! Not feeling at all reassured, I sat down on the bed just as Lavender Brown walked through the door<p>

'Hey Hermione! So, you'll never guess what I just heard from Dean, who heard from Ernie, who overheard Professor Lockhart talking to…' I tuned her out as anxiety took hold again… I hummed my favorite classical music tune to calm me down…

'-and she heard it from Pervary Patill, who found out directly from Madam Pomfry, that Harry, Ron and Ginny are all in the Hospital wing, until further notice!' Continued Lavender.

'What!' I cried in horror, snapping to attention. I jumped up immediately and sprinted for the hospital wing, leaving behind a very annoyed Lavender Brown…

As I ran through the hallways leading to the hospital wing, all kinds of horrid thoughts were running through my mind…

_This is all my fault…Oh no! I'll get in so much trouble if they find out…I'm going to lose the bet MAJORLY! _I cringed at the thought of Neville as my boyfriend…

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><p><strong>****FLASHBACK****<strong>

It had been after dinner and Hermione had retired to a comfy chair in front of the fire, her nose buried in Hogwarts: A History. She excluded herself from the time wasting activities Ron and Harry took part in, right now they were partaking in an extremely rigged game of wizards chess. If Harry was smart enough to realise Ron's advice was the reason his friend was undefeated, he may even have a chance at winning…Boys!

'Hey Hermione, what's your-'

'-nerdy nose buried into this Saturday night?'

Fred and George asked, rudely interrupting her. She sniffed and continued reading.

'Probably reading the history-'

'of grass growing, have you not come across the concept of fun in your vast readings?'

'Books can be interesting!' She finally snapped, turning sharply.

'Well,' Said one of them leaning forward eagerly unpeturbed, 'how much are you prepared to bet on that? I bet you one galleon you couldn't even pull a joke!'

'I don't believe in gambling. Now if you don't mind I'd like to return to my highly insightful book.'

'Honestly you and Percy should be an item!' One of them remarked with a slightly disgusted face.

She looked up to see Percy reading that exact book not two seats away. Not giving the twins another chance to elaborate the idea of her and their older brother as a couple, Hermione quickly burst out; 'Eww, Percy and I are not compatible! I'd rather go out with,' She looked frantically around the common room for anyone she knew, '-with… Neville Longbottom!'

The twins' eyes gleamed evilly. And Hermione Granger realised that she had made a VERY big mistake.

'Fine we propose a deal.' Hermione unable to concentrate watched them nervously as they tossed ideas from the other side of the common room. A few minutes later they returned each bearing identical mischievous grins. They handed her a piece of paper:

**_Hermione Granger is to boring and goody-goody to pull a prank._**

**_Targets: Ron and Ginny Weasely- because they're prats & Harry Potter- because he sucks up to the quidditch captain._**

**_Location: Snape's office_**

**_Stakes: If Hermione fails, date Neville Longbottom for the rest of the school year. If she is victorious (highly unlikely), Fred and George will temporarily stop cracking Hermione and Percy jokes…_**

**_Terms and Conditions:_**

**_No outside help allowed_**

**_Must be completed by nightfall tomorrow_**

**_Hermione must come up with the prank by herself_**

**_It must be the greatest prank of all time…_**

Hermione gulped nervously, but unable to back down now, agreed…What had she gotten her self into?

******END FLASH BACK******

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><p>I finally reached the hospital wing, I burst through the double doors to find a very peculiar scene…<p>

'I feel perfectly fine! I don't need to be here!' an owl wearing glasses very much like Harry's was yelling at Madam Pomfry, perching on the curtain railing which surrounded a bed in one corner of the hospital wing. On the bed, two red heads were at each other's throats in the midst of a screaming match.

'I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU THREW UP IN THE VASE!' Ginny was yelling.

'YOU THREW UP MORE! POOR HARRY FELL OF THE ROOF BECAUSE HE WAS HIT WITH YOUR VOMIT!' shrieked Ron

I CAN'T HELP IT, IT'S JUST MY NATURAL INSTINCT TO BE BETTER AT EVERYTHING THAN YOU!' shot back Ginny. Ron lunged for her throat, murder blazing in his eyes, I quickly shot a stunning spell at him, because Madam Pomfry was still to preoccupied arguing with the owl…

I ran over to the bed. I realized for some reason, Ron had a brick tied to his face…that wasn't part of the plan…

'Why does he…' I began.

'Oh,' replied Ginny, 'The bricks there because it makes Ron see normally…'

_Huh?_ This wasn't part of the plan…

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><p>You see what Hermione Granger didn't take into account in the makings of her prank was Ron's extreme reaction to seeing the rigged reports she had planted there at lunch. She simply couldn't fathom, in all her careful planning, anyone throwing anything while standing in the vicinity of hundreds of highly breakable glass jars of poisonous potions. They were only supposed to see the reports, find her library books then leave.<p>

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><p>'Wha-' I sat up, dazed from being stunned, if it were anyone else but Hermione who had stunned me, I would surely murder them on the spot…well, maybe not Harry, or Dumbledore, or Fred and George…well, possibly Fred and George…<p>

I looked up and was once again amazed by how pretty Hermione was…_hmmm, I wonder what she'd look like in x-ray vision…_ I lifted my hand to remove the brick from my face, but before I could look, Ginny's hand clamped down on the brick.

'Don't even think about it!' she hissed under her breath.

In my peripheral vision I could see Madam Pomfry now attempting to coax the owl down from the curtain railing with owl pellets.

'So, what on earth happened down in Snape's office? I only sent you down there to get a library book…' Hermione began to ask me.

_I bet she'll be mighty impressed with_ _my story… _I then began to explain in great detail the tale of hardship Harry and I had endeavoured… and Ginny I guess…

'-and then I woke up in Snape's office and I could see right through Harry, like I had some kind of x-ray vision, and so now I have to wear this stupid brick in front of my face because for some reason, looking through stone makes me see normally, and so then we heard people coming and Ginny grabs me… and next thing I know; I'm a giant pot!'

'Vase.' Ginny corrected me pointedly.

'Anyway,' I ignored her, 'Snape, Hagrid and Dumbledore came along and um… I kind of threw up at some stage, then Ginny puked as well and well, then we changed back and ended up here…' I finished.

'And you know that owl…' added Ginny in a low voice while pointing, 'we're pretty sure it's Harry, but he doesn't know it yet.'

'O…k..'

Madam Pomfry was now shouting at the top of her lungs in frustration of the stubbiness of the owl, which we thought was Harry…

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><p>'There is absolutely nothing wrong with me!' I yelled for what felt like the thousandth time.<p>

'Please come here at once and allow me to treat you!' replied Madam Pomfry in a strained voice. Hermione was now talking to Ron and Ginny, who were sitting on the hospital bed, Ron with the brick tied to his face. They appeared to be in deep discussion over something and Hermione looked very worried indeed.

'Harry's an ow-' she began, but was cut off by loud SHHHhh! Sounds from Ron and Ginny. I had the feeling they were hiding something from me…

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><p><strong>***ONE MONTH LATER***<strong>

'I CANT BELIEVE YOU LET ME WALK AROUND FOR A WHOLE MONTH AS AN OWL!' Harry bellowed down to the common room. A tense hush fell over the students as he stomped down the stairs. Ron skittered behind me whimpering…_Really now, Harry's wrath couldn't be that bad- _

He burst through the door his glare capable of scaring away Voldemort.

'I CANT BELIEVE YOU!' He continued. 'I MUST HAVE BEEN THE LAUGHING STOCK OF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL!'

'Yep!' Ron replied. I felt my hand slap my head in exasperation. It wasn't like we were trying to keep his…er…condition a secret or anything, just whenever we tried some strange interruption would happen, until we just stopped trying.

'AND WHAT IS THIS?' He screamed again gesturing down at himself. _Oh yes..' _Err… well,' I heard myself beginning to explain, ' after a while we thought it would…it might be better if you didn't know you were an…owl and that we'd just er…' I trailed off uncomfortably. What many of the Gryffindor students were now snickering at was the extremely short shirt and pants Harry was wearing which were cut off at the thighs and just below his nipples.

'If you've cut my invisibility cloak as well, I'll-'

'Oh, to bad then!' said Ron in a non-caring tone.

'Well, at least you're back to normal now!' I cried cheerfully, attempting to lighten the atmosphere. Harry just stared at me darkly…

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><p><strong>****FLASHBACK****<strong>

'Quick, he's about to wake up!' cried Ron, digging through Harry's wardrobe. It was the first night since the 'incident' and Ron and Hermione were in a panic, unable to decide how to break the news to Harry that he was an owl. They had thought it would be best if he didn't realise he was a bird and there was nothing he could do about it until it wore off. Hermione looked down at the tiny white owl sleeping peacefully on the massive bed, well, compared to the owl it was massive. She pulled out her wand and pointed it at a pair of Harry's school trousers which Ron was holding up

'_Snipius-Snapius!'_ She cried and the trousers became extremely short shorts…

******END FLASHBACK******

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><p>'Hey Hermione!' Called Fred and George as they approached me from the other end of the common room, they each were smiling angelically and I had the feeling they were up to no good…<p>

'That prank you played on Ron, Ginny and Harry was-'

'Totally awesome!' the twins began to talk. I desperately tried to silently tell them to shut up, because I hadn't told Harry, Ron or Ginny about the whole prank thing.

'I can't believe you turned Harry into an owl for a whole month!'

'- Or how you made Ginny turn into a giant vase at random intervals- CLASSIC!' everyone turned towards me, I could feel my cheeks burning scarlet with embarrassment.

'But the best part HAD to be-'

'Ron's x-ray vision!'

'Him walking around-'

'Wearing a brick on his face was totally-'

'AWSOME!' I could feel the three sets of eyes of Ron, Harry and Ginny boring into my scull as they fixed me with their accusing stares.

'This whole thing was a prank!' screamed Ron, 'Have you any idea how scarred for life I am because of what happened in transfiguration…!'

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><p><strong>****FLASHBACK****<strong>

'Ronald Weasley! Take that ridiculous pieces of rock off your head immediately! This lesson requires you to see what is happening during my demonstration and I will not permit you to sit there like a BOZO, missing the whole lesson!' Shouted Professor McGonagall. Ron gulped…

'But Professor, I can see you just fine! Really, I swear!'

'Remove it at once!'

'But-'

'Or have detention with me this Saturday during the quidditch match.' There was nothing he could do, he lowered the brick from his face slowly…

'Mr Weasely! Look to the front of the classroom, NOW!' Ron had looked up hesitantly, a tortured expression on his face…

'!'

He was scarred for life…

******END FLASHBACK******

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><p>'How could you!' Ron yelled at me. I guess I kind of deserved it, seeing an x-ray vision of Professor McGonagall must have been pretty harsh…<p>

'I'm so sorry Ron, but I really didn't mean for you to fall into the acid! You weren't supposed to throw you wand and the potions-'

'But what about me!' yelled Ginny angrily, 'Have you any idea how embarrassing it was to turn into a giant vase when I least expected it! **For One. Whole. Month**!'

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><p><strong>****FLASHBACK****<strong>

It had been only a few days after the 'incident', as they now called it and Ginny had turned into a vase at least three times. At that moment, she was sitting in the great hall eating breakfast, surrounded by all her friends, not to mention everyone at the Gryffindor table. She had just picked up a piece of bacon when suddenly- the intense heat, her body being stretched… and boom! She was a red vase sitting at the table. Everyone had started laughing, including… MALFOY! Who 'just happened' to be walking past the Gryffindor table at that exact moment. He had grabbed a whole plate of baked beans which Neville had been eating and emptied the contents of the plate into the vase. When she finally change back class had already started and she had to leg it, frantically picking bake beans from her hair as she ran. She hadn't had a chance to change clothes all day and had received a detention form Snape for 'eating' in class… Oh, the shame…

******END FLASHBACK******

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><p>'I'm so, so, so, so SORRY!' I wailed, feeling guilty enough to makeup for the whole of Hogwarts school. I completely ignored Fred and George who were on there hands and knees worshipping the ground I walked on. Literally!<p>

' Sorry doesn't cut it Hermione,' Harry seethed drowning out the twins worshipful murmurings;' Prank King. Prank King. Prank King…' They were bowing as well! _How embarrassing _I thought.

'Come on real friends, lets go to our secret club meeting place where only cool kids can go!' Harry dragged off the red heads who were clearly giving me the silent treatment.

'I know your going to Hagrid's Harry.' I replied bossily unable to help my self. The half giant had sent a letter asking us to visit him after dinner earlier that morning.

'Yeah well… You're a -' but whatever Harry was about to say was cut of as the portrait slammed behind them.

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><p><strong>Sorry this is suppa rushed! And I am truly sorry for the excessive Flashbacks <strong>

**Head for the Chamber of Food Snatcher to see where this extension slots in! :D **

**Please review :)**


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